Jolliness in times of crisis
Life after the Flying Pig
“Not right now, no”. The man next to me is silent. I take a sip and send him an innocent smile over the top of my wine glass. I can almost hear him think.
She doesn’t look sick. Maybe it is mental?
I can feel his resistance when he replies “Really?”
Is she lazy? She has been sitting on that barstool all night.
I make a mental note not to order wine in the pub anymore.
Grmph…those People that take the easy way out.
“Yes” I friendly reply to his thoughts “I appreciate the time off!”
That flirtatious sparkle has now officially left his eyes.
“And you?” I reposition myself on this surprisingly comfortable barstool.
Time for a distraction; “What do you do?”
Before I know it the man next to me is laying out his life on the bar.
How he is extremely bored in his job but “that hey, they need me”.
I nod at him and the bartender at the same time.
“One more please” holding up my wine glass.
Yes, he works a lot. Yes, overtime.
“But maybe in two years I might get to change departments”.
At the fifth wine I have to secret signal my girlfriends.
The next day I read an interview with an Amsterdam homeless. The man proudly explains that he did not hold up his hand to become a number. He rather lives under a bridge in the Vondelpark instead. I find I want to convict that man next to me for ignorance. And the homeless guy for alcoholism. Then I shamefully realize it is only to make me feel better.
“Why do we so love to ruthless judge?”
It is then that I recall the words; “If you listen, really listen, to others and to yourself you will find it liberating. Summarize, but don’t conclude or advice. Just listen.
“Right, I think. How the hell do you do that? Even that objective economical stock market shows influences of emotional judgments!”
 A lot of bad wines and ‘in between job’ comments later I realize I am thinking too big. And against all economical odds and social expectations I decide to sit down and listen. Slowly I get to unpack my mental bags that I traveled with. And it sets me free! Because only guilt can let a public opinion sentence you. Thus now when I explain my time in my life, I laugh. A warm and genuine one that shows I am proud to follow my heart. It has set me free to be jolly and drunk on Champagne. With the only difference that this year my Christmas gift to myself is acceptance. And my resolution to walk lightly, with head high in the direction of my choice!
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