The Uptown Hostel Amsterdam party

Linda's Column - move!

Linda It’s done. I am on my living room floor just watching emptiness take over as I hear change fill the air.

I whisper to myself: “Am I ready?”

Silence.

“What do I do now?”

Not a sound.

Many people would describe me as adventurous, loving life and hungry for change. And they are right. I am. I love being on the move, discovering . That is, in the direction of my choice.

“Better go to the pub” I decide and get up.

“Well, it was time really” I smile to my third beer and the silent friend that got it.

A pause. “Living with a couple is not easy you know ”.

As a true friend he changes the subject but right before we part I get a hug: “You just need to find out what’s good for you”.

I look at him and silently scream “stop!” and “how could you?” but we both know it’s time for this ostrich to lift her head out of the sand.

“Tomorrow” I tell him.

“Tomorrow I’ll figure it out”.

That next day I wake up to realize “my roommates moved out”. And they are not alone. Everyone around me seems to grow forward. Even the Flying Pig is merging! But what about me? Did I not work hard this past year to discover what I want and how to just enjoy life? But no. I am I still here. Same room, same view, same furniture. I start to feel angry. But then I remember my friend her father’s words; “angry people do not want to feel”.

“Damned. That’s no good. Now what?”.

I take the next day off and start to carry all my stuff to the other section of the house. I sniffle over pictures, laugh at silly notes and throw out half of what I own. At dawn I smile; “There. I moved”. Throw in a girls trip to London and a couple of motorcycle lessons and I feel great again. I find myself a lovely French roommate, purchase an Ihawoko from Ikea and tell work I am an ambitious woman. I start to feel better. Because you know what? I might not want all these changes. Still they are here. I used to think a control freak had to let go of wanting to direct every one around them. But maybe letting go is all about accepting that situations are often created for you. And that only when you learn to bend them in a way that is good for you, you will find that emptiness is not the same as loneliness but that it provides clarity. Maybe. But then again, maybe not. Either way, I look forward to staying in tonight.

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