Linda's ColumnBoarders versus skiers
A beanie. Yes…and glasses too, non-blizzard ones. Oh and gloves, my old pair must be about a 100 years old. “We’re going skiing, oh no I mean boarding!” I say, out buying the goods. Because it seems that to be a snow boarder you need a cool outfit with flashy accessories. Me, I am skiing material. Skiers are practical, “what can I still wear from a 100 years ago”, people. But that is about to change. I try on a flashy snow jacket and to compensate the cost I put back the cool gloves. Later that day I find myself back in the sports shop, returning the jacket because my card just bounced in the supermarket. Suddenly this whole trip seems like a real bad idea. I dial a friend for sympathy. She claims jealousy and offers me her snow jacket. The next day, after a turbulent flight and a 2 hour bus ride I join the four winter-holiday virgins in our group and as a first-time snowboarder I seem to fit right in.
Together we go on a scout though town:
“Where are all the locals?” the first virgin cries out.
“God, you have to carry all that shit every day? How old is that toddler anyway?”
“Look, they are all walking funny!”
I smile and a first ski tingle boils up inside. “Let’s go and see if we can get snowboard lessons!”
“Nein, not today or tomorrow. After” is all the school lady can tell us.
“It’s okay” I convince myself out loud “we can wait”. And we check out the Health Spa.
Our snowboarders on the other hand were on the slope before anyone could say “Apfelstrudel”.
At dinner they rejoin us and I silently watch them from across the table. They carry a smile that shouts a ‘great sex’ caliber. Suddenly the tingle is back, but disappears again with the arrival of my schnitzel. We have breakfast at 8.00 am. The virgin-four and I look only half rested after an early night and I just sit there listening.
“Let’s see if we can still get that lesson”.
“I skied from age 4 to 15, but that was 11 years ago”.
Instantly I am awake: “Who said that?”
An hour later me and ‘age 4 to 15’ are fully geared up on the mountain. She is struggling to revive her childhood when she stops only halfway.
I tell her “don’t give up, you can do it”!
“I know” she whispers back “but I can’t seem to put weight on my knee”. When following the Banana boys I feel that tingle in my big toe working its way up. When my friend is safe on the gravel, I take up my ski’s and call my snow boarders. The virgins had their first time too that day and we all get stuck in the bar. The next morning I don’t mind being the only one walking funny and I carry all my shit without complaints. On the final day my whole body hurts, my liver has tripled in size and my yellow rental ski’s turned orange. Luckily my snowboard girlfriend succeeds to distract the rental boarder and I get away with the mix up. On the bus to the airport we all reminisce our adventures and vow to go again. As I sit back I smile to the thought that once again I didn’t need a flashy board to act goofy! “Maybe next year” I mumble…
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